When people say “I’m happily married” I wonder what that means for them. Does that mean that you never disagree on anything? That you never fight? That you are ALWAYS happy and bubbly and problems do not exist?
Absolutely not! Anyone that has ever been married knows the answer to that! Even in the happiest of marriages, there will be an argument, even if they only happen once in a long while. There will be moments when you want to ring each others necks, and even moments when you might doubt everything you have known together in a moment of pain and weakness. But just because you have these things happen, it doesn’t mean that you are not happy.
Take my husband and I for example. We started out in middle school as friends, dated in high school, lost touch and 13 years later ended up finding one another, getting married and starting a family. We are truly happy because we know the value in one another, we know that in order to be strong together we have to have weak moments sometimes. We know that going to bed mad is never the answer, and that communication is our only option to stay as happy as we were as simple minded teenagers!
We have our spats daily, and there are always things we disagree on, but we always find a way to work it out and keep moving forward. By keeping the lines of communication open between us, we do not have to worry about whether the other one is mad about something that happened a week ago, or if the choice I make today will cause an issue to arise tomorrow.
Talking to each other is the very first thing to ‘our’ happy marriage.
By talking, we avoid problems and holding grudges. This ensures our future by making us stronger.
Always put one another first.
By this, I do not mean forget you have kids or a job or bills, but I mean that you should always treasure your time together no matter how much or how little. Time is precious so make the most of it and show each other how much they mean to you. Little things matter most!
Do not make promises.
Promises are meant to be broken, and by not making them, you can avoid heartache and pain, and then fighting because the promise wasn’t kept. Things happen in our lives sometimes that cannot be avoided, this is one reason I say don’t make promises. You do not honestly know 100% that you will be able to fulfill that promise.
Have family time!
This one is big in my home because we don’t get much of it. Hubby works a lot to provide for all of us, and he wants me at home with our son. With me not helping with bills, it makes the strain on him even heavier, and when he does get time off I can understand that he wants to relax alone and just BE. But instead, even if it is only a few hours, we all watch TV, play games, and make time for the baby during everything we do.
Trust & Respect.
Without trust, there can be no relationship in my opinion because you are always worrying what the other one is doing, whether they are lying about something, or if they are being faithful. If this is the situation you are stuck in, I am not saying get a divorce, but I would reconsider my situation, and try to repair it or move on. That is no way to live. We value one another, and have full trust in our marriage, thankfully. This is important. When you trust, you gain respect for one another. And vice versa. This is actually a really important one because trust, honesty, respect and loyalty are all things that go hand-in-hand and also things I expect as well as give.
Apologize when you are wrong!
Never go to sleep at night angry, and if you are wrong just say so, it will mean more that you are willing to say I’m Sorry than most anything else. For men, it seems harder, because they are tough, but for women, we want everything to be okay in our homes and our relationships. Saying I’m sorry doesn’t make you weak, it actually shows your strength I think.
And last, be patient and accept one another for who they are.
Don’t try to change them. You fell in love with them for the person they were, so why try and make them different once you are married. My husband and I are to completely different people. We like different food, and activities, but because we love one another fully, we make sacrifices and do things the other enjoys.
Also, make sure that at the end of the day the last thing you say is good night and I love you, and the first thing off your tongues in the morning is good morning and I love you.
There are so many more things I could add to this, but I will stop for now because I could go on and on. This whole post started as a thought when I seen someone post about their happy marriage and I wondered to myself, what makes a marriage truly happy. I hope you have enjoyed reading this and if you want to add anything like tips that you have learned to make your own marriage better, or just want to comment, please leave it below. I would love to hear your thoughts on this!!
I love this post. You are completely right, you can be happily married but you will/ can still have issues in your relationship. Marriage isn’t easy & it’s a journey.
You touched on a lot of really important points in your post. If someone says they are happily married and never has an argument with their spouse, they live in a fantasy land. Everyone has disagreements but its how you disagree that is important. Cool off before you discuss something because when you are mad you are apt to say something in the moment that you will regret saying later. Be respectful in your argument. Degrading the other person or disrespecting them is not going to get your point across. And yes, saying I am sorry is very important. Even if you are not sorry you feel the way you do, you are sorry for hurting your partner and making them feel bad.
Communicating before things get blown into a fight is also good. My husband with out the paper ( we are not legally married) is very good at getting me to talk before I let something eat at me and blow up. I’m very luck in that respect because my ex was horrible at it and manipulative. If hubby wants something or does something that upsets me I know I can go to him and we can discuss it without him calling me names or making me feel stupid.
As for trust, if you don’t have it you might as well pack up and move on. That is what destroyed my first marriage. My ex besides being an alcoholic was very insecure. In his head anyone I spoke to, I was having an affair with. Eventually his distrust and his going t hrough my emails and my phone and his drinking drove me away. My hubby now trusts me, and I him. I never look at his things because I don’t need to. We have all each others passwords but I have never looked at his things and I know he hasn’t looked at mine either.
Geeze Im going to stop because my comment has turned into a blog post in its self. You just got me to thinking about things with your post.
It is a very good post and I am sure many people will chime in with opinions.
Thank you, you are so right and touched on points that I haven’t. You just might end up being my next guest blogger lol. Hubby and I are the same way, we talk before we blow up and we never say things we can’t take back. You can take back many things but you can’t take back the words once they are spoken. We also have all of one anothers passwords but because we have trust, there is no need to use them. Thank you for your mini-post I enjoyed it