As we are quickly approaching my little Bubby’s first birthday, I realize that I cannot stop him from growing up, as all children do. My little baby isn’t such a ‘little’ baby anymore and it saddens me, but makes my heart full, and happy at the same time. I know that probably sounds kind of crazy, but it’s the truth!
I watch him learn and grow and I am amazed at all of the things he has accomplished in just this short year alone, and I know that there will be many more things I will be able to teach him, and share with him as the years go on. This part makes my heart full and happy. The part that makes me sad is that as he learns and grows he will need me less, and less. I never want him to not need me! Even at 31 years old, I still need my mother. I think every mother goes through these feelings at some point and for some it’s sooner than for others. In my case, it came sooner!
It started with him sitting up on his own, then his first teeth cutting, then he started crawling, not long after that he learned to stand and now he is learning to walk and talk and climb and be a mischievous little guy. Every moment is one of the greatest gifts I could ever be blessed with yet the sinking feeling of my baby growing up pains me each time it comes to mind.
I find myself rocking him to sleep at night, stroking his tiny head, and singing softly. Once he falls asleep, I have often realized he has been asleep for quite some time, and I have just been staring into his beautiful face and thinking of how amazing it is that I- ME, Dora Clemons- I get to be HIS mom. I know that the bigger he gets, that those moments won’t come as often, and will eventually stop altogether as he becomes more independent. I savor the times he wants to climb in my lap and cuddle, because at that moment in time, it is only he and I in the world and that’s the only thing that matters right then.
Am I the only mom that stops what they are doing just to hug their child tightly so that I can smell his sweet baby smell, and feel his soft fluffy hair on my face? Or leave the cleaning so that I have time to crawl around the on the floor like a big old idiot just to see my son smile? I even, at times, make some of the silliest, and downright dumbest faces and noises only to hear his sweet little laugh! I am probably not alone in this, but I know that I will miss these times greatly when they are gone and want to build up a million memories to look back on when he is grown, and decides to have a life of his own.
Ughhh! The thought of him growing up hurts, but when the time comes, as long as he is happy, I will be a happy mama.
No matter how old he gets, or where he goes, I will ALWAYS be his mother, and he will ALWAYS be my baby. Even when he is 60, yes, he will still be MY baby. My only wish is that I can raise him to become a great man, husband and father, and to know what it is to have love for others, be kind, honest, trustworthy and loyal, and to ALWAYS have respect for others even when they don’t have it for themselves. Most of all, though, I just want him to be happy.
To all of the first time moms, expecting mom’s and even those that have 5 children already, don’t let an opportunity to make a memory with your child pass you by because one day you will look back and wish you had let the cleaning, laundry, and everything else go just to enjoy those little moments with your kids. The first year passes quickly, and then the rest will become a blur, so hold onto each moment with your children like it is the last.